6 ways parents can support their
kids through the coronavirus disease (COVID-19) outbreak
A psychologist's advice on how to help your children deal
with the many emotions they may be experiencing now.
By UNICEF
The
coronavirus disease (COVID-19) brings with it feelings like anxiety, stress and
uncertainty — and they are felt especially strongly by children of all ages.
Though all children deal with such emotions in different ways, if your child
has been faced with school closures, cancelled events or separation from
friends, they are going to need to feel loved and supported now more than ever.
We
spoke with expert adolescent psychologist, best-selling author, monthly New
York Times columnist and mother of two Dr. Lisa Damour about how you can
help create a sense of normalcy at home while navigating “the new (temporary)
normal.”
1. Be calm and proactive
“Parents
should have a calm, proactive conversation with their children about the
coronavirus disease (COVID-19), and the important role children can play in
keeping themselves healthy. Let them know that it is possible that [you or your
children] might start to feel symptoms at some point, which are often very
similar to the common cold or flu, and that they do not need to feel unduly
frightened of this possibility,” recommends Dr. Damour. “Parents should
encourage their kids to let them know if they're not feeling well, or if they
are feeling worried about the virus so that the parents can be of help.”
“Adults
can empathize with the fact that children are feeling understandably nervous
and worried about COVID-19. Reassure your children that illness due to COVID-19
infection is generally mild, especially for children and young adults,” she
says. It’s also important to remember, that many of the symptoms of COVID-19
can be treated. “From there, we can remind them that there are many effective
things we can do to keep ourselves and others safe and to feel in better
control of our circumstances: frequently wash our hands, don't touch our faces
and engage in social distancing.”
"Another
thing we can do is actually help them look outward. So to say to them, ‘Listen,
I know you’re feeling really anxious about catching coronavirus, but part of
why we’re asking you to do all these things — to wash your hands, to stay home
— is that that’s also how we take care of members of our community. We think
about the people around us, too.’”
2. Stick to a routine
“Children need structure. Full stop. And what we’re all
having to do, very quickly, is invent entirely new structures to get every one
of us through our days,” says Dr. Damour. “I would strongly recommend that
parents make sure that there’s a schedule for the day — that can include
playtime where a kid can get on their phone and connect with their friends, but
it also should have technology-free time and time set aside to help around the
house. We need to think about what we value and we need to build a structure
that reflects that. It will be a great relief to our kids to have a sense of a
predictable day and a sense of when they’re supposed to be working and when
they get to play.”
She
suggests getting your children involved too. “For children 10 and 11 or older,
I would ask the child to design it. Give them a sense of the kinds of things
that should be included in their day, and then work with what they create.”
When it comes to younger children, “depending on who is supervising them (I
realize that not every parent is going to be home to do this) structure their
day so that all of the things that need to get done before anything else
happen: all of their schoolwork and all of their chores. For some families,
doing that at the start of the day will work best for kids. Other families may
find it may work okay to start the day a little bit later after sleeping in and
enjoying breakfast together as a family.” For parents who are not able to
supervise their children during the day, explore with your caretaker ways to
create a structure that works best.
“Support,
expect and normalize that they are very sad and very frustrated about the
losses they are mourning.”
3. Let your child feel their emotions
With
school closures come cancelled school plays, concerts, sports matches and
activities that children are deeply disappointed about missing out on because
of the coronavirus disease (COVID-19). Dr. Damour’s number one piece of advice
is to let them be sad. “In the scope of an adolescent’s life these are
major losses. This is bigger for them than it is for us because we’re measuring
it against our lifetime and experience. Support, expect and normalize that they
are very sad and very frustrated about the losses they are mourning.” When in
doubt, empathy and support are the way to go.
4. Check in with them about what they’re hearing
There
is a lot of misinformation circulating about the coronavirus disease
(COVID-19). “Find out what your child is hearing or what they think is true.
It’s not enough to just tell your child accurate facts, because if they have
picked up something that is inaccurate, if you don’t find out what they are
thinking and directly address the misunderstanding, they may combine the new
information you give them with the old information they have. Find out what
your child already knows and start from there in terms of getting them on the
right track.”
If
they have questions you can’t answer, instead of guessing, use it as an
opportunity to explore the answers together. Use websites of trusted
organizations like UNICEF and the World Health Organization for sources of
information.
Many
children are facing bullying and abuse at school or online around the
coronavirus disease (COVID-19). It’s important your children know that you’re
always there for them should they experience bullying. “Activating bystanders
is the best way to address any kind of bullying,” says Dr. Damour. “Kids who
are targeted should not be expected to confront bullies; rather we should
encourage them to turn to friends or adults for help and support.”
5. Create welcome distractions
When
it comes to processing difficult emotions, “take your cues from your child, and
really think a lot about balancing talking about feelings with finding
distractions, and allow distractions when kids need relief from feeling very
upset.” Have a family game night every few days or cook meals together. Dr.
Damour is using dinner time to connect with her daughters. “We’ve decided that
we are going to have a dinner team every night. We mix it up in pairs, so we
rotate who is in charge of making dinner for the family.”
With
teens and their screens, allow for some leeway, but not a free-for-all. Dr.
Damour advises to be up front with your teenager and say that you understand
they have more time on their hands, but that it’s not going to be a good idea
to have unfettered access to screens or social media. “Ask your teen, ‘how
should we handle this? Come up with a structure and show me the structure that
you’re thinking about, and then I’ll let you know what I think.’”
6. Monitor your own behaviour
“Parents
of course are anxious too and our kids will take emotional cues from us,”
explains Dr. Damour. “I would ask parents to do what they can to manage their
anxiety in their own time and to not overshare their fears with their children.
That may mean containing emotions, which may be hard at times, especially if
they’re feeling those emotions pretty intensely.”
Children
rely on their parents to provide a sense of safety and security. “[It’s
important that] we remember that they are the passengers in this and we are
driving the car. And so even if we’re feeling anxious, we can’t let that get in
the way of them feeling like safe passengers.”
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